My day, yesterday, deserves no more thought…except as honest disclosure that we all make disappointing choices…that’s why I’ll share. I was in a certifiable “funk”.

It began on Wednesday. It had been a day full of “challenges”; but it was also the last day of the month. My sales had been great all month and I had several projects pending…even my Manager commented how close I was to reaching my personal goal. But I sat there the last two hours of the day with no returned phone calls or emails…and ended the month less than I hoped…and I was disappointed. My budget would be affected and my plans, as well…yuk.

Then yesterday morning, I woke up entirely too early and began writing my post…only to have my phone have some weird glitch with copy/paste not even coming up on my notes; and when I tried to force it, the note deleted…and I had to start all over again. Double yuk.

Then I wanted to crawl back in bed after carpool; but the neighbors were having their concrete patio torn up…surely, they heard it in Houston…no rest for the weary…triple yuk.

And, at that point, I allowed the “cloak of funk” to settle over me…the day got better with lots of favor in my circumstances…but it was like I was walking through a cloud. It was peaceful…but my inner Joy was being held down…and I knew it. Just couldn’t shake off the “cloak”.

When I finally accepted that I couldn’t rest, I went about my errands, met my prayer partner for a wonderful gift, and then we raced to our prayer group. When the last gal arrived, she mentioned my curly hair… It wasn’t until I got home and looked in the mirror to brush my teeth before bed that I realized what she meant…my hair was a disheveled mess of curls and my eye makeup was smeared from the night before…I LOOKED like I was in a funk…and I started laughing. And the cloak began to crack.

And when I laid my head on my pillow…in the glorious silence of darkness…this tape began playing over and over in my head…”I am the Righteousness of Christ….I am the Righteousness of Christ…” And the cloak completely shattered.

That’s what I needed all along…to be reminded of WHO HE IS and, therefore, who I am IN HIM…and I was gently reminded…just as there is no room for doubt when you’ve accepted Christ as your Savior…there is truly no reason to wear the “cloak of funk”…when you wear His Robe of RIGHTeousness. 🙂

“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and all discernment; so that ye may approve the things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and void of offence unto the day of Christ; being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are through Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11 ASV)

Last night, I teased someone that “honesty is the best policy”; but I really do believe it. So…honestly, if you had asked me a few years ago if I would be blogging so vulnerably on Facebook, I wouldn’t have believed it. But I’m committed to share the words that come to me, Trusting that they are intended to enCourage. I keep hearing that they do…so I keep sharing. And I am blessed to share God’s goodness to me…in the “good” times…and also in the “not so” good…because that’s the true “test” of Faith.

And just as I’ve come to be open to sharing the words, I’ve also come to expect to “life out” my morning posts during my day. Yesterday was no different…as soon as I dropped the kids in carpool, the “attacks of opportunity” began for me to choose to either cave to doubt and fear, or to stand firm in my Faith and rest in God’s goodness. Honestly, I lost count how many times I caught myself saying, “Father, I CHOOSE to BELIEVE…anyway.”

And when I received a very honest reply from my hurting friend, I responded with equal honesty. I admitted to my “hard” day. And that I understood how it can seem like God is too busy to pay attention to what is happening to us…in those times that we can’t “feel” Him. Sometimes, we have moved too far from Him so we can’t “feel” His presence; and other times we have made choices that have painful consequences. In either case, that’s our “issue”…we can’t blame Him.

But for me yesterday, it was simply “lifing out” a specific answer to my prayer for direction during my morning quiet time. I watched throughout the day as the doors slammed closed; and I even explored with a friend to see if some windows were open, but the answer was clear…no. So I shared specifics from the “yuk” of my day to assure her that I understand; and how I was so disappointed that I spent a few moments crying on my bed once the kids were out with their friends last night. That’s not a lack of Faith, that’s honesty and God honors that.

But after I dealt with my disappointment, I began to accept His answer–knowing that He loves me. And my Peace and Joy have returned as I’m choosing to REST in Him. Honestly, I don’t know how it will all work out…but I know it will. And I’m choosing to keep my Faith even though I can’t “see” the Provision yet… because that’s what Faith is. The dictionary describes Faith as: belief that is NOT based on proof; and the Bible describes it as assurance of “things NOT seen”.

As I was gently reminded yesterday…FAITH is a CHOICE to BELIEVE…or it’s NOT. 🙂

“Now faith is assurance of things hoped for, a conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1 ASV)

“Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39 ASV)

I was in a hurry yesterday after I sent my email and posted the picture. But all morning, I was reflecting on the email I sent in reply to a painful private message. In it I shared very vulnerably about my life–the struggles that have gotten me to this point in my Faith; and how I treasure that God has brought me through the pain to this place of Joy and Peace in the midst of circumstances. And I mentioned some specific blessings that have occurred just this past week, as I continue to walk in Faith–examples of gifts of Provision above and beyond what I could ask or imagine….but I admitted it’s still not always “easy”….it’s just “worth it”.

I’m blessed to have the job that I do–I have wonderful benefits and the ability to make a really good living for my family. But I’m in commission sales…and sometimes God allows less monetary provision…in order to allow MORE of HIMSELF. Sure, He could choose to provide in more conventional ways…but it has been during those times of “less” that my children have seen Him Provide in ways that cannot be denied. And they have watched me respond in Faith and THANK-FULLness. What a treasure this legacy to my children is to me.

And as i thought of all the blessings of Provision, I thought of my Maggie: Unlike the other two, she has never been a cuddler–I’ve always teased that she came out of the womb “busy”. But she was angry in her middle school years…a direct result of the divorce, I’m sure…and she was very difficult to deal with. But this past year…we have all witnessed a true softening of her heart. She and her sister have become close friends and enjoy each other greatly…and for the first time since she was a toddler, she calls me “Mommy”. It is such a Gift. And we intentionally celebrate this gift, realizing we have very few years left with her “at home”.

So yesterday morning, as I was thinking of all the recent blessings…I realized that the very BEST GIFT of all is that my children have “seen” God…that is what has made this difference in Mags. And the thought came to me that my sincere HOPE for each of my children is that I will spend eternity with them…and that they will learn to call God “Father” as I do.

The words for the next day’s post were beginning to form; but, like I said, I was busy…too busy to type. Then last night as we were racing to get Maggie something for her school costume, we began discussing the storm on the East Coast. Maggie commented about the “end of the world in 2012”; and then in the middle of Walmart, she began telling me how concerned she was over her doubts of her salvation. I said there doesn’t need to be any doubt. I told her that fear and doubt are emotions…Faith isn’t an emotion, it’s a choice.

So when we got home, she and I crawled up on the sofa and had a true “heart to heart”. And I told her that there is a common misconception regarding Christianity–that it is a one-time decision. Salvation is a one-time decision– to accept Jesus as the atonement of our sin and place our Trust in Him as our personal Savior. He won the battle for eternity–we must simply choose to receive that gift. But FAITH is a moment-by-moment decision to follow Him. Once we place our Trust in Him as Savior…there is no doubt of where we will spend eternity…the only “doubt” is how we live this life….worshiping our SELF or HIM. And choosing Him in the moments, places Him not only as our Savior…but as our Lord.

But the enemy is a master of creating doubt and fear in our mind and heart–that is his best weapon for attack in those moment-by-moments…and how, like Jesus’s example, we must combat those attacks with the TRUTH of God’s Word. And as we choose to spend time in God’s Word, we will learn more about Who He is and who we are IN Him. And as we take on the breastplate of Righteousness and the sword of His Word, and live out the fruits of the Spirit…we will become more and more like Him as we LIVE our Faith.

I told her she can’t depend on emotions and she can’t compare herself to more mature Christians…God will take her on her own journey of Faith. And in those quiet moments, my precious Maggie rededicated her life to Christ. And this morning, I’m giving her my copy of Jesus Calling to place next to her Bible, so she can begin her day in God’s Word, as she sees me do…and when the attacks of doubt come…she can open the book to the page where it is written…on this day, Maggie accepted Christ…and there is no longer any room for that doubt.

And I hope that this post is somewhat understandable…because I can’t stop the tears of JOY and THANK-FULLness that I was gently reminded of yesterday morning…and living out today. God is so very good to me. 🙂

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8 NIV84)

Yesterday was a rather crazy day. I’ve been thinking about the gal from my grocery store who I won over with kindness; and now she shares her life with me when I see her. I know I should share the story of God’s Hope with her; but it’s har

I had the tremendous Joy to attend Maggie’s theatre performance last night. It meant leaving work early…I continually thank my precious Heavenly Father for the gift of a Boss and coworkers who so understand and support family values.

And the performance was wonderful…and, for Mags, made even more wonderful to have her extended family there…including her Aunt and Uncle, who are also her God-parents. And I was thrilled to be able to visit with my former brother- and sister-in law…whom I haven’t seen in six years.

The oldest sister-in-law was the closest to me in distance and the closest to my heart. She is the one who “happened” to call after I received the phone call warning about a suspicion of a potential “fling” on his part. And she understood, along with me, how easily he made devastating choices…somehow believing he could simply finagle his way out of them. And she, like me, understood that he wouldn’t be able to “finagle” his way out of this choice.

So when I called her to tell her the devastating news…that he had broken our vows and I was keeping my word and going through with the divorce, she is the one who spoke to me on behalf of his family. She said that they all loved me and that no one wanted me to leave the family. But she also added that they all understood him…and what I had gone through…and that no one would blame me.

I have missed her dearly. And seeing her last night was such a Blessing. I know it’s part of the RESToration that God is bringing me through during this time of RESTing in Him… truly a Gift of this moment. And thinking back on how she beamed at me, “I want ALL the BEST for you.”…I was gently reminded:

That’s what real LOVE is…wanting the BEST for another…whatever that looks like….even if it means “letting them go”. I’ve experienced that with my Grandparents passing…missing them dearly, but knowing they are in the BEST place; and with my daughter, as I “let her go” off to college and begin her own life; and with several friends whom I’ve loved as they moved away, and men as they’ve “moved on”. …that’s what love does. It GIVES.

And I often hear well-meaning folks complain about “how can a Loving God allow….?”….it’s not always what He WANTS…but He LOVES enough to let His children “go” because He loved us enough to give us CHOICE. Certainly, we don’t always make the best ones, so there are consequences.

But God didn’t leave it there. He LOVED us enough that He GAVE His Son, in order to save us from those very choices; and offer us the choice of salvation and RIGHTeousness.

To LOVE is to GIVE…and to GIVE is to LET GO. That’s how much God LOVES us…now the choice is up to us to Love HIM enough to GIVE of ourself back to Him. 🙂

““For God so loved the world that he GAVE his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NIV84)

“You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us.” (Isaiah 26:3, 4, 12 NIV84)

Kinda slow this morning…and enjoying the “still” of a day off. And as I’ve been continuing to praise God for His loving Provision the past few days, my heart has been repeating the verse, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33 NIV84).

But what I’m truly experiencing and praising Him for is “the rest of the story”…that when you truly SEEK HIM…the things of this “kingdom” don’t seem to matter quite so much any more….

And when I read my QT…I smiled at His Goodness in His continual reinforcing of what He’s teaching me…it is all about Christ, “Who has become for us wisdom from God–that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

And that’s why I share. As we seek His kingdom and more of HIM…we share the HOPE of Glory. 🙂

“For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” (Ephesians 1:15-23 NIV84)

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things–and the things that are not–to nullify the things that are, It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God–that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

(1 Corinthians 1:18-28, 30, 31 NIV84)