During my most painful time, I turned to food…and, unlike drugs or alcohol, you can’t live without food, so you have to learn healthy boundaries and make determined choices not to let it control you. And, as a child, I was often placed in the “caregiver” role, so I learned very early on to “care for” others…I thought it was “loving” and my “role”… I have since learned the term “co-dependent”…and it is not “loving” and it is not my “role”. So I’m certainly not one to judge how someone chooses to cope. Just as I don’t want to be judged; because that in no way takes into account the work that God continues to do in my life as I surrender to Him.But I’ve learned the hard way that my “love” can’t “fix” someone, and often it can’t even “help” someone. I was gently reminded of that yet again yesterday. I took advantage of my “still” morning and read about this friend’s addictions…and I was stunned to see the patterns that I had overlooked in my naivety. And the very things that I was doing to try to be “loving”, was only feeding into the patterns of addiction. Like giving chocolate cake to a food addict with a card that says, “I care.” People who struggle with addiction need someone to partner along beside them, not work against them.

I know that God is in control, and the Bible promises there is “no condemnation”…but there are natural consequences. How I wish that I had taken the time to research these addictions before I tried to “help”. I’m no Counselor or Doctor; and I love what my Bible study leader has taught me–that most often we are not meant to “help” others (unless they specifically ask) but we can take what God has shown us and have the privilege of lifting them up in prayer to our Heavenly Father–that is often the most loving thing we can do for someone. And I would have been better prepared to respond and pray properly if I had taken the time to arm myself with the knowledge that this friend had the courage to share with me…but I was too busy.

That’s another coping mechanism, of course …surrounding ourself with activity to subdue facing any negative emotions…if you’re busy enough, you just survive as your activities begin to control your schedule… There are certainly busy seasons in life, that’s not what I’m referring to. It’s the constant striving for Busy-ness of activity that is insidiously common today among many well-intentioned folks…and we often get kudos that make us feel good; but it’s not a healthy choice when it gets out of control.

That is what God, in His precious lovingkindness, has most recently been working with me on…surrendering in the area of activity…and being STILL…and being open to what HE has for my life as I responsibly take care of the gifts that He has already given me…my children, my home and my job.

But it takes my choice…and a constant surrender to Him over my natural inclination that I’ve learned can “work” for me…initially. It’s just not the BEST for me. And, as I realized yesterday, often not the best for those He brings along my path…if I’m too busy to truly “see” their struggles and their pain. So I’m surrendering to His Word in the Psalms…”Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD”…and in the stillness i can hear Him…and TRUST that He IS God…and I’m so very thank-full…because that takes the pressure off me to be… 🙂

“Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:15-19 NKJV)