I’ve been smiling all week since I jumped back on the online dating site…not because of the flurry of activity, but because of the complete 180 in my attitude.

It’s been four years since I got on the first time. It took a year and a half for my divorce to be final. So a few months later, a friend suggested we try a certain dating site. She immediately met her now husband; and I’m forever thankful for that. In stark contrast, I gave a description of myself in my profile that I felt was honest. But I got proposals from Zimbabwe and emails of adoration from “looking for Juliette”…that’s when I really knew something was wrong …I’m no Juliette. 🙂

Overall, it was a really good experience for me. After so many years of marriage, it helped me wrap my feeble brain around being single again. But it also taught me a very big lesson…I was NOT ready for a relationship. I was hurting…stunned with the complete failure of my marriage (divorce was NEVER going to happen to ME, ya know…). And I was facing what was truly the battle of my life…to get my health back. I was a wreck.

In fact, my last date was a counselor…after spending an hour on the phone with me prior to our date, he looked me straight in the eyes over coffee and told me I needed to get off the site and focus on getting “me” back….or I would continue to make the same mistakes in judgement that I had made in the past. Gotta say that he was entirely correct. And I’ve never seen him again; but I have never forgotten him or how grateful I am for his honesty. He helped me see that there was a much bigger issue than the words in my profile…

So I spent the next year getting back into better shape and getting re-established in a career. Then, once the dust proverbially settled, the spiritual part of my journey began. God brought some precious women friends back into my life who knew me from before and who lovingly invested in me with spiritual enCouragement. And then God, Himself, took me through the “wilderness”…where all I had to follow was the light shining ahead and manna truly fell from the sky each day for my family. I saw God in such a dynamic and intimate way…and I knew everything was going to be okay because He was WITH me.

And this past year has been exceptional…He literally dropped me into a bible study that has changed me in many ways and surrounded me with women who are amazing spiritual warriors…lifting me up by praying for me. And I have continued to see God working mightily in my life.

Over the past few years, I changed myself on the outside; but He has changed me on the INside. He has taught me that I was focusing on my own value. But that is a dangerous focus because our enemy seeks to deceive; and the world tells me that my “value” can change…with weight fluctuation, job loss, failures, and wrinkles that are etched ever deeper with time. Then my “value” lies buried in lies….that is his greatest weapon of destruction. And I hand him the weapon of choice when I focus on my own “value”.

Now…by the Grace and Mercy of my Heavenly Father, I have a different focus…my value IN HIM. And there is Strength in KNOWing that He doesn’t change…no matter my circumstance…therefore, MY value doesn’t change…no matter the circumstance.

So all week long I have celebrated that. Yes, it would be nice to be in a healthy relationship…but the reaction I get on the site, or whether or not I meet “Mr. Right” isn’t my focus. Because that is not where I find my Value.

…and all week long, I’ve been lovingly gently reminded: If God is for me, who can be against me??? He is my strength and my shield….my heart rests in Him. So whether the world acknowledges it or not…I know the Truth…I am VALUable. 🙂

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 NKJV)