I recently wrote about Hope, having read ‘The Hunger Games’. The story is about an oppressed nation that is horrifically punished for a past rebellion, and the resulting devastation of the loss of Hope. The story revolves around how it took one young girl to revive the Hope of the people to take their lives back. And after I watched the movie this past weekend, the ominous words of warning from President Snow have continued to play in my mind, “Hope, it is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective, a lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine, as long as it’s contained.”

…and I was gently reminded: so many people today live in a world of lost Hope. They live in “bondage” to finances, poor health, job loss, loneliness…just to name a few. And that is exactly where the enemy wants to keep them…in the devastating oppression of lost Hope. There seems no way “out”…so they continue to wallow in their circumstances…continue to live a life based in fear.

But there is One who has come to offer Hope. In His own Words, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 NKJV)

Jesus left Paradise–that place that our hearts long for–where there is no death, no sickness, no pain, no hunger… He left with the sole purpose to restore Hope to God’s children by restoring fellowship with the Father. He, alone, could do it…and by dying on the cross for our sins, it is now “Finished”….again, His own words.

And when we truly understand all that was accomplished on that day…Paradise regained, the Promise of God’s Blessings fulfilled; and, as He sits at the right hand of the Father as our High Priest, the Power that is found in our new position as the Righteousness of Christ…that is the most Dangerous Kind of Hope…a spark that can ignite to change lives when it is no longer “contained” by fear. Dangerous in it’s intensity and might…and a deadly weapon against oppression in life. The enemy knows that Hope is stronger than fear…and that Jesus is the Hope that SAVES. 🙂

“For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God.” (1 Peter 2:15, 16 NKJV)

“… beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner. For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself, saying, “Surely blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply you.” And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath, that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.” (Hebrews 6:9-15, 17-20 NKJV)

Author acknowledgement― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

I was teasing a friend the other day that it’s all about “who ya know, ya know”. And networking connections are a huge key to success in life, of course. But if you are truly going to be “successful” in life, it’s even more important to KNOW YOURSELF.

At this point in my life, I’m finally coming to terms with myself…always striving to be my best, yet balanced with trying to maintain a peaceful contentment with who I am at the present. And that was the basis of my playful teasing last night. Still open to riding with someone during the week, I teased that I have a “heart of gold and a bike of steel” (not the lighter weight carbon for racing) …and that I’m good with that (well…for the moment). 🙂

And knowing yourself is still quite “the rage” today–heard of and took yet another “personality” test yesterday at work–this one for what type entrepreneur I would be. Being an “Expressive” DESA, it was no real surprise that I fell into the “Heart” category.

And laughing to myself about that, I was gently reminded:

As Don Henley sings, it’s getting down to the “Heart” of the matter that truly counts–especially in this “graceless age”. That’s why, more than personality styles or “success tactics”, it’s important to know who I AM in Christ–I am a Child of God. I am the Righteousness of Christ. When my Heavenly Father sees me, He sees His Son…and He is “well pleased”.

And being IN Him, having the gift of His Holy Spirt dwelling inside me, I am tapped into the limitless reservoir that He IS. And I have His unending Favor and Grace to share with this “graceless world”….Joy, Love, Peace, Perseverance, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.

As a CHRISTian, this is who I AM…and this is the Gift that I have to offer…the true “Heart” of the matter. And that “Heart of gold” will be what “wins the gold” in the race of Life…and that’s really what matters. 🙂

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.” (2 Timothy 4:7, 8 NKJV)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:22, 23, 25 NKJV)

Heart of the Matter…Don Henley

I got the call today
That I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you’d found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about…forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore
Ah…these times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah…the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things – we kill I guess…
Ohh pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
You know it doesn’t keep me warm
I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I’d figured out
I have to learn again
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about…forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don’t love me anymore
There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; cause’ life goes on
If you keep carryin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside, baby
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me
I’ve been tryin’ to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness..

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/don+henley/the+heart+of+the+matter_20042042.html ]

I had a wonderful dinner with a sweet friend last night. She enjoys biking, as well, and has gotten involved to a degree that I would also be interested in…and not being one to like to waste my time reinventing the wheel…I asked to meet with her to pick her brain.

Always believing that there is a lesson in what God allows in our life (even when we bring it on ourselves…thus the “make all things good”), I have done some soul searching the past few days. What I realized is that I was really frustrated with the insistence for “athletic and toned” and “slender” of the online men when I first jumped on in my mid-40’s. But now that there is much more openness to “about average” at this age (I’ve never considered myself “average”, thanks anyway)….I’m the one who wants to be more toned for ME. And, also, though I still must be cautious to keep my children as my priority over activity, I don’t want to wait until they’re grown (or until I find someone to ride with) to begin truly enjoying biking for ME. I know there are things I can do in these last 4 years of raising kids to help get me to the place where I won’t be starting from scratch once the nest is empty; and I’m blessed to say that I received exactly the information that I was hoping for from my friend. So, once the kids get back in school, I’ll begin exploring my options.

But I also shared with her about what’s been going on in my life this past year…and several times, it brought tears to her eyes or chill bumps. At one point she said that it will be amazing to see what God has in store for me–she said that because God is so clearly working in my life. And I agree that there is no other explanation for the events…and I was gently reminded:

So often we allow the busy-ness of life to keep us distracted from God. Personally, I believe that is exactly what the enemy wants–he’s into “divide and conquer”…and if he can divide us from God, he can more easily “conquer” our day.

That’s why I share so vulnerably in this blog….to remind us all that it doesn’t matter if we “feel” it…God is IN every moment. The saying goes, “Faith is Believing, not seeing.”…but if we want to “see” God IN the moments of our lives…all we must do is be STILL…and look UP. For the Epic God of the Bible is still writing Epic stories…but instead of enjoying them vicariously through reading them…we have the even greater privilege to LIVE them. And some of us just live to write to tell about it. 🙂

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10 NKJV)

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.” (2 Timothy 1:7-10, 12 NKJV)

After a whirlwind two weeks, I started noticing a slight aloofness in biker dude. Both of us had previously booked weekends so, when he called me Saturday night, I was in the comfort of my QT chair when he apologized and said, “There’s something I need to tell you.” He has met someone else and wants to pursue a relationship with her.

A marathon runner since the days when his marriage fell apart, he discovered his love for biking when he hurt his foot earlier this year. And that progressed to his current goal of being a triathlete. I was honest about my current interests and abilities with life and kids; and he would just grin, “I can help you with that.” –which is exactly what I was hoping for. He said all along how important it is to have commonality to build on at this point in our lives….and I was ready to build. But she is also training to be a triathlete so they have the same intense training schedule and the same current obsession, so he can’t help but want to see what might develop.

He was sick about not wanting to hurt me. He kept saying over and over how I’m the kind of woman he’s always wanted and how beautiful I am. He also kept saying, “It’s uncanny how I met her right after you….”

I smiled as I graciously thanked him for being a man of Integrity. I assured him that I truly believed what he and I had said all along, that God has someone wonderful for each of us. And I wished him all the best and said goodbye.

And when I got off the phone, I was still smiling…because I was gently reminded:

It wasn’t simply an “uncanny” twist of fate that brought her into his life right at this moment in time…it was GOD. That’s how He works in my life–His unCANny FAITHfullness to bringing me HIS man. I’ve come to accept the near comical way men have “fallen off the planet” right at the “moment of truth”. I’m starting to call it my “glass ceiling of dating”. And I’m good with that…cuz that’s how I’ll know he’s God’s man for me…he’ll shatter that glass. 🙂

P.S…. Certainly I was disappointed…he was a really great guy. But one of my wonderful coworkers looked me directly in the eyes and said, “Yes, he is a good man. But he didn’t really “trip your trigger” (gotta love a West Texas gal). There are other really good men out there…hold out for the one who trips it.”. 🙂

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. For You will light my lamp; The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness. As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, And sets me on my high places. You enlarged my path under me, So my feet did not slip. Therefore I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the Gentiles, And sing praises to Your name.” (Psalm 18:2, 28, 30-33, 36, 49 NKJV)

“My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” (1 John 3:18 NKJV)

Jumping back into the dating scene has caused me to consider, once again, what I want in a relationship if there ever is a “next time”. After having explained some of my history to biker dude, he told me how very sorry he was that I endured some of what I did. The next morning, I sent him this clarification…”I don’t regret a moment of my life up to now. I’ve always been a lover of life, but now I appreciate so much more than I ever did before. And I just don’t want to waste my experience.

So what I’m “holding out” for isn’t about “not settling” in regards to a certain “look”, or income, or hobby. I want someone who can truly appreciate that the quality of marriage, like with life, is determined by what you do with it. And if God does Bless me with a really good man–one who doesn’t take life or me for granted–then I will spend the rest of my life thanking Him for that GIFT by appreciating that man. And, to be honest, that will be Blessing enough for me.

…But if he can see that appreciation as a GIFT from God and appreciate me in return, then we will have the kind of marriage that is truly a wonderful blessing to experience and to witness.

The way I see it, the best way to live life is to truly appreciate every moment; and the best way to love is to truly appreciate each other. So I only share my story to help explain where I’ve been and what I’m “holding out” for this time.”

I often say that so much of life is “in the perspective.”; and because of what I’ve gone through, my perspective has changed…and thinking back, I was gently reminded:

There are really only two basic perspectives for us to draw from…the deceit of the enemy that seeks to destroy, or the TRUTH of God’s Word that seeks to give Life more abundantly. We cannot completely control our life experience…the only thing we can control is which perspective we see that experience through. At my age, I sometimes wear bifocals to allow me to choose the “perspective” of how I see. And, like bifocal glasses for the heart….we can “see” Life so much more clearly when we look through His perspective. 🙂

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 5:8-11 NKJV)

I’ve been smiling all week since I jumped back on the online dating site…not because of the flurry of activity, but because of the complete 180 in my attitude.

It’s been four years since I got on the first time. It took a year and a half for my divorce to be final. So a few months later, a friend suggested we try a certain dating site. She immediately met her now husband; and I’m forever thankful for that. In stark contrast, I gave a description of myself in my profile that I felt was honest. But I got proposals from Zimbabwe and emails of adoration from “looking for Juliette”…that’s when I really knew something was wrong …I’m no Juliette. 🙂

Overall, it was a really good experience for me. After so many years of marriage, it helped me wrap my feeble brain around being single again. But it also taught me a very big lesson…I was NOT ready for a relationship. I was hurting…stunned with the complete failure of my marriage (divorce was NEVER going to happen to ME, ya know…). And I was facing what was truly the battle of my life…to get my health back. I was a wreck.

In fact, my last date was a counselor…after spending an hour on the phone with me prior to our date, he looked me straight in the eyes over coffee and told me I needed to get off the site and focus on getting “me” back….or I would continue to make the same mistakes in judgement that I had made in the past. Gotta say that he was entirely correct. And I’ve never seen him again; but I have never forgotten him or how grateful I am for his honesty. He helped me see that there was a much bigger issue than the words in my profile…

So I spent the next year getting back into better shape and getting re-established in a career. Then, once the dust proverbially settled, the spiritual part of my journey began. God brought some precious women friends back into my life who knew me from before and who lovingly invested in me with spiritual enCouragement. And then God, Himself, took me through the “wilderness”…where all I had to follow was the light shining ahead and manna truly fell from the sky each day for my family. I saw God in such a dynamic and intimate way…and I knew everything was going to be okay because He was WITH me.

And this past year has been exceptional…He literally dropped me into a bible study that has changed me in many ways and surrounded me with women who are amazing spiritual warriors…lifting me up by praying for me. And I have continued to see God working mightily in my life.

Over the past few years, I changed myself on the outside; but He has changed me on the INside. He has taught me that I was focusing on my own value. But that is a dangerous focus because our enemy seeks to deceive; and the world tells me that my “value” can change…with weight fluctuation, job loss, failures, and wrinkles that are etched ever deeper with time. Then my “value” lies buried in lies….that is his greatest weapon of destruction. And I hand him the weapon of choice when I focus on my own “value”.

Now…by the Grace and Mercy of my Heavenly Father, I have a different focus…my value IN HIM. And there is Strength in KNOWing that He doesn’t change…no matter my circumstance…therefore, MY value doesn’t change…no matter the circumstance.

So all week long I have celebrated that. Yes, it would be nice to be in a healthy relationship…but the reaction I get on the site, or whether or not I meet “Mr. Right” isn’t my focus. Because that is not where I find my Value.

…and all week long, I’ve been lovingly gently reminded: If God is for me, who can be against me??? He is my strength and my shield….my heart rests in Him. So whether the world acknowledges it or not…I know the Truth…I am VALUable. 🙂

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10 NKJV)

I read a wonderful devotional yesterday about how one of the best indicators of being in God’s Will for our life is His Peace. That goes right along, of course, with how fear is NOT of God…it isn’t based in Faith, but MiStrust. So when important life decisions face us, we should seek His Peace to guide us. And, as usual, my day followed suit in living out the lesson.

My day began with some policy changes announced at work…corporate is as corporate does, ya know. 🙂 Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to any “big announcements”; but I fought the fear that tried to sneak up and the news was much better than I had imagined. And I had finally started dealing with what was guessed to be a faulty spark plug that was put in my car a few months back. After my meeting at work, I raced to my dealership and worked away on my projects, in Peace in the waiting room, awaiting the results…denying the creeping concern of a car expense that I really don’t need at the moment. And soon enough I was called that it was ready and I was sent on my way with their ever-warm regards…free of charge.

All day long, I repeated the phrase from the devotional, “I am the Righteousness of Christ, filled with His Love and Peace.” And looking back on my day, I was gently reminded:

What was going to happen…was going to happen. My being fear-full about what might occur would have done nothing but cause me unnecessary pain. God Promises to give us the Grace to get through whatever He allows in our life; and He Promises to work it for our Good, for those who “love Him and are called according to His Purpose”…but fear comes in BEFORE the GRACE arrives. What a blessing to learn that I have access NOW, in this very moment, to the FULLness of His PEACE…and that Fullness leaves no room for fear. 🙂

“Finally, brethren… Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” (2 Corinthians 13:11 NKJV)